How do you handle pesky pests (people)?

[Anu]

How do you handle the pesky pests who make indirect comments or attack someone under the pretext of some event they encountered, or some hypothetical example, etc.?

Ignoring is an option. But, such people leave a bad taste in the whole get-together. How do you make sure that sure pests do not ruin your party?

What motivates such people to behave that way. From what I have observed, such people generally have no real friends. So, by now wont such people get the message and correct their behavior. Though, I do understand that if it one's nature to be conniving and conspiring, it is tough to change their nature. So, does the solution come back to ignoring such pests? What are your thoughts?

[iplrocks]

OMG,I was thinking about the same that what motivates people to be this conniving all the time !

Unfortunately I have seen that they have similar minded people to support such behavior in online world even though in real world, they may have very few people they can call as friends.

Ignore or hit them when they are low. Ignoring works the best as these people can handle anything but ignore ! They are doing it for attention and ignoring puts them in place.

[courtneywalsh]

It's the insecurity about themselves which makes them behave that way. Apart from ignoring them, there doesn't seem to be any other option.

[Anu]

Isn't it funny that after being 1000's of miles being away from in-laws or relatives, you think that you have dodged such scenarios, but then you find such people among some circle here (God bless my in-laws hearts, they aint that way - but cant say much about some relatives, though )..!

Yup, I agree with you guys - I should learn to ignore.. but I just so pity such people - What kind of an uptight life would that be? Can they ever have a conversation with anyone without scheming or thinking of some hurtful things say, just because they think they can!

My problem is, I keep thinking that I should either let such pests know about what they are doing or let others know what they are upto.. and my DH has tried convincing me that there is no use telling them, as they already know what they are doing but will never accept. And there is no point telling others as most of us already know! So, why bother?? I guess, it is like Indian politicians - everyone gets annoyed; they get on your nerve; they know that what they are doing is wrong and but then as long as it doesn't affect us, we all say, "swalpa adjust madi" and move on with our life I guess, I gotta learn to do that with real people in our lives too

Thanks for letting me vent, guys.. you all are awesome.

[iplrocks]

I used to participate in one message board before this and there were atleast 5 or 6 pests like you described. That's why I reduced participation as I could not stand them and didn't know how to handle them.

But if they behave like this in online, imagine their behavior in real life and imagine the plight of their relatives ! Thank god, we are not their relatives

Those people have no real friends in real life is my assessment observing their behavior over years, that's why they are 24X7 in one message board where they can find only like minded people and not anywhere.

Anu, I wish I had developed thicker skin like now when I was interacting with them as I realize now that ignore riles them most than reacting with them. Just expose their tactics and let themselves engage in fireworks to burn them and not you. Easier said than done as it took many months for me to develop this tactic but now I have mastered it as I hit them when they are least expecting and ignore them when they expect ! This tactic works every time

Anu, vent here as much as you could whenever you feel the need as I have seen that, in this board people are very nice and not conniving at all. Especially members like you, Tara, Celebi, spurthi, courtney walsh and many more, who are so helpful and recognize difference between vent and drama!

[Anu]

Thanks IPLRocks.. I know how it must have been..

"Those people have no real friends in real life" - That is what I don't get!.. They dont have a life, They dont have any friends.. Is that why they feel so insecure? Probably, because they are not able to figure out how other people have friends and cannot stand when other people are having fun.. They feel so jealous that they want to ruin the fun other people are having.

Wow, what a miserable way to live life! Even if they have 1 or 2 acquaintances, they just mutually have to kiss each other's butt to keep one another's company, naah! Please excuse my language, but I cannot see any other word to explain such a relationship where one fuels/supports the other's bad behavior! Or is it that birds of same feather flock together?

[readytogo]

Sometimes, flattering them works. They will slowly mellowdown.

[iplrocks]

I saw one pesky pest having minor tussle with another pest. This Pest #2 has always portrayed as balanced but is responsible for major fireworks in the past. Is this change of heart , minor disagreement or just a fake showoff ?